Decoding F Smoak
by stilljustme
Summary: It's her job to build worm-safe walls and keep away intruders - from computers and from her heart. But piece by piece Oliver eventually gets to know her. Just a little collection of observations.
1. Hands

Back on the island one of the most important skills, more important than shooting sometimes, was watching. Observing. Understanding.  
Oliver was no longer on an island anymore, but old habits were hard to fight, especially when they had made him survive.

Now he found himself observing hands – marble skin, pink fingernails. One of them carried a yellow smiley. They were moving swiftly, almost elegantly. It reminded him of his own gym training – there was a certain passion in her movements.

Oliver smiled as he realized that though in a high tech world, Felicity's real weapons were her hands. Hands and brains. Just like him.  
They were not that different at all.


	2. Kangaroos

_Post 1x07 „Muse of Fire"_

"Walter!" Oliver followed his stepfather – still a strange thing to think about – into the living room.  
The dark man turned in surprise. "Oliver?"  
"I just wanted to say…" he sighed. "Thank you for coming back. Thanks for… being here for… my mother and sister while I couldn't." And still can't…

The surprise in Walter's face grew but was quickly replaced by calmness again. "Thank you. And of course."  
"Good." Oliver nodded, trying to figure a way out of the awkwardness. "So how was Australia, anyway?"  
"Hot" Walter murmured, "hot and sunny. And no kangaroos in sight." He chuckled.  
"What?"  
"Nothing" he waved aside, "I just remembered my tech secretary's comment on the matter."

Oliver swallowed. "What did she say?"  
If Walter was surprised by the fact that Oliver knew Felicity's sex he didn't show it. "She said she wanted to go there too, but without kangaroos. She's afraid of them."  
"Fel… fascinating." Oliver bit his lips. "How can you be afraid of kangaroos?"  
"I don't know." Walter shrugged. "And I'm not willing to think about it."  
"Yeah, well, neither… would I." He swallowed again. "Well, thanks. See you."  
"Alright." Walter's glance followed his stepson.

_Kangaroos_. Oliver shook his head. What had happened to her that she was afraid of kangaroos? An accident in Disney World? Some weird holiday as a child?

"Kangaroos." He said it aloud but the message stayed the same.  
Each little piece of information he got opened up another question.


	3. Procrastination

It was completely silent when Oliver reached the IT-central.  
She wasn't there.  
He stopped dead in his tracks. From all possible problems he had imagined, this one had never occurred to him: that Felicity might not be there when he was coming.  
Oliver shook his head. He shouldn't bother that much about not seeing her - actually, he didn't need the information before Wednesday, he still had two days to go. And he had told Felicity that it wasn't that urgent, knowing she would get on it at once anyway.

That was something he had learnt very soon about her: Felicity Smoak wasn't procrastinating. Never. Nothing.  
Neither her jobs nor her thoughts, she delivered them frankly out of her mind. Not always diplomatic, but always honest.  
In that way, they differed a lot, and as Oliver finally turned around and left the floor he realized that he envied her for her freedom. 


	4. Christmas

He had always loved Christmas. Not only because of the food and the presents – though he had to admit they were a big part of it, especially when he had been younger – but because no matter whom he talked to about this feast, they all loved it. With all the stress and loneliness sometimes involved, Christmas remained one of the most beautiful childhood memories. Singing in front of a tree, listening to the same story over and over again without getting tired of it. Being with your family and for once not having to think about anything unpleasant.  
"I think people who don't love Christmas have a lot of problems" Thea had told him years ago, "I think you can't be a really good person without loving it." A few months later Oliver and his father had gone missing.

Still, there was something to what his little sister had said. As he opened the door he wondered how Felicity would have decorated the little room. She didn't seem like the lametta-type, and he was pretty sure that Walter wouldn't allow her to wear fake Christmas-elves's-ears – though he could imagine her with them. Maybe he should bring her some next time.

The room was as bleak as always, and Felicity obviously was in no Christmas mood. She was cool, distant, almost hostile, and Oliver found his own happiness dying at once. Something was wrong. He wasn't sure yet if it was his fault or if Walter had been rude, or if it was something more serious – if it was something that required the Hood's assistance.

At the door he turned around again_. I think people who don't love Christmas have a lot of problems_.  
He didn't want Felicity to be in trouble.

"Merry Christmas" he offered lighthearted, but his eyes were filled with sorrow.  
Felicity didn't even look up. "I'm Jewish."  
"Oh."

Or maybe it was just Christmas didn't belong to her belief.  
"Then… happy Chanukka." This time Oliver's voice was honest, and Felicity looked up. For a moment she seemed just surprised that he had listened to her. Then her lips moved and built up the smile Oliver had been waiting for. Automatically he smiled, too.

"Thank you."  
"No, thank you, Felicity." For your wisdom, and for not asking questions I'd have to lie to, and for not lying to me.  
And for that amazing smile.


	5. Delicate Taste

The world was whirling around him as he stumbled out of the door. Gushes of cold air hit him with every uneven step he made towards the other door.  
Only six steps left. He could make it.  
Oliver pressed his hand against his stomach as if he could will the pain to stop that way. Four steps. He had to get there, he had to… two steps left. Oliver's mind raced back to the island. He had endured worse pain there, the memory of it was still so clear that it woke him up screaming sometimes.  
The door flew open, the mirror showed him the white face of a dying man as he switched the lights on and collapsed.

Well, maybe not a dying man. But one who was throwing up so violently that his groaning hid the sound of the big oaken door Thea opened to sneak in.

* * *

Oliver still felt shaky as he made his way to the tech lab. "Hey."  
Felicity nodded, her eyes glued to the screen in front of her. "Moment…" her fingers moved even faster than usual, a staccato that made Oliver's stomach slightly lurching again. he quickly looked up at her face again.  
Thirty seconds later, the girl looked up – with a smile that was almost worth the night.  
Almost.  
"Hi. What can I do for you this time?"  
"What if you start with… stop trying to kill me?"

The smile vanished as if blown away. "What do you mean? What happened?"  
Feeling Felicity's glance wandering him up and down Oliver realized he wore the same clothes as yesterday. But obviously, clothing was the least to interest the young woman now. Her eyes were big with concern and confusion.  
"Oliver, whatever I did, I… I am so sorry."  
He couldn't help grinning at that, but quickly became earnest as he saw the hurt on Felicity's face. Despite the toughness she liked to show, and despite her honesty when speaking her mind Felicity Smoak was one of the most sensitive people he'd ever known. Something – someone – must once have betrayed and wounded her, so deeply that she had felt it necessary to build up a shield.  
Oliver knew that he was just on the edge of that shield, and he had to be very careful not to make her building it up higher.  
For reasons he didn't know Felicity was opening up to him a little bit.

And Oliver was grateful for it, grateful for this woman who saw him as the man he was now and not as the boy he had been five years ago. Well, of course she didn't see all of what he was. He could never let that happen. But she accepted who he wanted to be, and that was more than his family was offering him.

"I'm sorry" he said earnestly, his gaze searching Felicity's. "I didn't mean to upset you." He waited till he saw the alert and sorrow leaving her face before he allowed the grin to enter his face anew:  
"I just tried to follow your advice yesterday. And… let's say I couldn't stomach it."  
Felicity frowned. Her panic was gone but her confusion only grew. "You followed an advice? From me? Wow, that's new."

Oliver laughed. "Don't get used to it, Felicity. I'm still recovering." And seeing her smile didn't really calm his stomach down, it was still restless. Just that the dizziness he felt when looking at Felicity had nothing to do drinking. It was more… butterflies.

"Okay, I give it up." Felicity shook her head. "What did you do?"  
"I tried your recipe against bad memories. Bloody Mary and aspirin."


	6. Tiger's cave

"Hey, Felicity."  
"You're late" the tech girl quipped without looking up.  
Oliver checked his watch. "You're right."  
Chasing down Aleksander Ramonov had cost him more time than he had expected. And more running through the purification plant than he cared for. And for slipping on bodyless bowels…

He shook his head and made a step towards Felicity. "Don't you ever knock off?"  
"Oh my…" Felicity rolled back her chair to the other end of the small room. "Where have you been?"  
"Work. Why?"  
"You…" she found herself at loss for words. The stench had been only vague before but with the door closed now and him so near it almost made her faint. And not with pleasure.  
"You. Stink. Like a…. freaking tiger's cave" she managed to get out, fighting the urge to pinch her nose.

Oliver frowned. "Felicity, how do you know about the smell of a tiger's cave?"  
"Is that what you came here for? For then you'd better leave and I call you. It's a funny story." Back then, though, it hadn't been that funny. And the putrid, sweet smell still made her want to gag. "Please… just put whatever you have for me over there on the table, go, leave the door open and take a shower asap. I'll see what I can do with this."

It took Oliver a moment to realize she meant it. And another till he dared to sniff on his clothes. "Whoa. I'm sorry."  
Felicity nodded slowly. "It's okay, just… go."  
As he opened the door, Oliver turned around. "Tiger's cave?"  
"Leave!"


	7. Waiting

_Thanks so much for all followers, favorites and especially reviews! Right now my mind's a bit empty but hopefully there'll be new episodes to take ideas from on TV soon (we're only in the middle on season one over here). _

Still five minutes to go. Oliver let his cell drop into his pocket and flexed his fingers. No need to check the time every twenty seconds. He forced himself to look down onto the wooden table. No need to be anxious. This was not the kind of business meeting he had had with Helena Bertinelli – it would end nowhere else but here, in the middle of an illuminated little coffee shop, with a lot of people around.

Four minutes forty-two seconds. Grinning at himself, Oliver closed his eyes. This place made him nervous. The fact that Felicity had asked him to come here made him nervous. And he couldn't even say why.  
Maybe it was the light – more and brighter than what he was used to when going through secret information. He wondered what the young woman had found that upset her so that she didn't feel safe in her own bureau.  
Or was it not the information but him?

Exasperated, Oliver opened his eyes again. Automatically they moved first to his watch – four minutes thirty-seven – and then to the door. Tender as she looked, it was hard to imagine Felicity insecure. He didn't like the thought of something scaring her, not at all.

Oliver felt his body tense with anticipation, his fingers moved to fists again. What on earth had made her seeking the light so suddenly? And why was he so afraid of it?

She mustn't know, couldn't know his secret, could she? Could she?

A light figure appeared in front of the glass door. Blonde hair, black glasses, pink lips. Pure energy bound in a human shape. Despite everything, Oliver relaxed a bit as the big blue eyes found him. There was a hint of joy in her eyes, as always, and a large amount of determination, but no panic so far.

"Hey" he said as she reached the table. "So, why did you order me here?"


	8. Books

„Wow, that is… nice. I mean, overhwelming. Totally. It's so… big and filled with more books than anyone could ever read in a lifetime, and honestly I don't understand why people keep collecting all those… things they never use, but…" Lost for words for the first time since he'd known her, Felicity shook her head.

Oliver smiled. He had expected her to be a bookworm, but he wouldn't have thought the Queen's library would render her that speechless. He allowed both of them time to stare: Felicity at the shelves filled with books that actually nobody had ever cared even to open, him at Felicity.

The sound of a very distinctly, loudly cleared throat tore both of them from their observation objects.  
Oliver's smile died in his poker face though he should by now know that Diggles would see through it. As well as Felicity would, probably.  
"Hey, Dig. Everything's ready?"  
Diggles nodded. "Ready to go. Which we should do rather now than later."  
"Uh…hum" Felicity's attention was caught by the books again. "Can I borrow this one? I mean when we're done. With whatever we're… doing." She forced herself to look at the two men. "What?"

Diggles hid his smile professionally but by now Oliver had observed him long enough, too. Felicity's charm obviously wasn't working only on him.  
"Nothing. Just… they're all yours. Once we've finished here."

Diggles raised an eyebrow. Which probably would be… _never_.


	9. Mistake

_I can only watch the series in German… so my quotes may not be exact.  
Set in "Dodger" (1x15)_

"I'm sorry. It was a mistake."  
Felicity's voice was colder than he had ever heard it, and there was an edge in it warning him to keep distance from her, as if his whole being was repulsive to her.  
For a short moment Oliver hesitated, but then the determination that was not his but the Hood's took over. He couldn't think about the conflicted feelings of a girl now.

"What" he asked, attempting to sound lightly and failing miserably, "trying to stop me?" His face came very close to hers, but it took him another moment of hesitation to look into her eyes.

Felicity had understood the threat he hadn't wanted to make. Her eyes were as cold and controlled as her voice. "No." She stood up, clearly assuming him to move away for her. Which he did disturbingly automatical.  
How came the Hood made way for a geek?

"Being part of this. Even for a short time." She turned around and left, and the thought of blocking her exit just as she had blocked his came ten seconds too late.

The Hood's anger faded and left a frustrated and confused Oliver.  
She loathed him. She, who knew best now what he was doing – well, apart from Diggles – was unable to see the good in his deeds. She who knew now what he was sacrificing and fighting for day after day… she couldn't respect it.

Oliver took a deep breath. He should be glad for it, actually – at least that meant there was one life less he had to worry about.

He just wasn't glad.


	10. Conscience

**Post Salvation (1x18)**

"_If I had a boyfriend… I wouldn't know how to come home and tell him."_

Oliver sighed. It was stupid, he had saved Roy, after all, he had finally talked to Laurel, he had even tried to be nice to Felicity… and still he couldn't sleep. Still her voice kept bugging him, tiring him out more than the real Felicity could ever do.

3:41 in the morning and he was still rolling around restlessly in his bed. That was just like he had been in his first two months back. Now it was more than half a year since he had returned, and things had calmed down. Well, as calm as it could be to chase and kill criminals.

Kill. That was it. Frustration tightened Oliver's muscles, destroying the last hope for sleep. He had no problem with killing, as long as it happened to the right people, the people his father had showed him. It was not his bad conscience that kept him awake at night.  
It was Felicity's.  
She was the one probably crying for the dead lawyer, the one lining out the family life of each of his victims. It was her problem. Her heart.

So what exactly was bothering him now?


	11. Bound

It was stupid. Felicity had told him, more than once and very convincingly, that she didn't approve the Hood's way of dealing with things, and that she would leave the team as soon as they had found Walther. Which actually made it even harder for Oliver to miss his stepfather.

Still, it was stupid. A plan created on the edge of a very tired brain tortured by guilt and despair in Felicity Smoak's beautiful eyes.  
Oliver sighed. It wasn't even a plan, it was just… since he had taken the role of the Vigilante, there was not much actually good he had done. Both for the people he cared for and himself.

As dangerous as it was for Felicity to belong to him for now – Helena had proved it, and the thought of what she could have done to the tech girl still made Oliver tense – he had become used to her. It was good to have another voice around, someone who not like Diggles was a trained warrior. Someone who was like Oliver had been before, just… better.

As he heard Felicity opening the door to the headquarter Oliver realized that maybe what he was about to do was not only for Felicity. She had shown him before that she didn't need him – not half as much as he had come to need her.

"Hey." The young woman had reached him and sat down in front of the computer without looking at him. The stiffness of her shoulders and the odd way her lips were curved – downwards – told him enough. It didn't matter that they had saved Roy Harper yesterday. It didn't matter what they had done together. She still felt guilty.

"Felicity?" Oliver didn't wait for her to look at him. "I just wanted to say… if you need to talk about your day… you can always talk to me. I'm here."

It was stupid. Not because he had just bound himself to her in a kind of way. Because he already had been bound to her before.

"Thank you" she said earnestly, and then a smile bloomed on her lips, so radiant that Oliver couldn't help but smile, too. "But only if you start to trust me, too."

Oliver frowned, he nodded around the room. "What do you think I'm doing?"


End file.
